haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Quick, to the slutcave!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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