You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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