Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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