i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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