We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
