i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
