I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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