Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
