We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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