Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
