As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
