he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
