I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
