I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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