This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
