I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
