Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
