I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
