clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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