Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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