let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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