you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
