I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
