God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
