super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
