I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
