One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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