i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
