I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I am morally bankrupt
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
