I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
