i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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