thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
