At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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