you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She needs sedatives and a leash
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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