He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How naked do you want me to be?
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