Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
