WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
