so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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