Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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