Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
