Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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