Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
