Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
