my vag is so smooth its legendary
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
