Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
