If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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