"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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