I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He has the fingertips of a God
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