No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
