I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
