I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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