she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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