hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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