At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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