so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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