It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
