walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
