Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
