We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
