also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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