Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
