Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love accidental penises.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
