Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
