i already hear my dad disowning me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
