Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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