you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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