We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
